Racing Thoughts and A Sleepless Night

Racing thoughts is what it is called. I have not done much research on the subject, but the phenomenon occurs when random thoughts spin through your head, seemingly important thoughts, but as soon as you focus on one, another races in and crowds the other out. The process continues and leaves me in sheer frustration. Rather than lie in bed, tossing and turning, I decided to get it on paper this morning. 4 A.M., Yikes!

I am an adult diagnosed with ADHD. I believe that ADHD is real. Others disagree, but I live with it, every day, every minute of every day. I am a mom of two children diagnosed with ADHD. In the beginning I fought it, I refused testing, medication, or the belief that anything could be wrong with my children. My son was diagnosed first, then my daughter, and finally myself; after several counseling sessions supposedly for my children. I am learning to cope with it. Each day brings a new challenge.



But back to my thoughts...

It may be anxiety. I am starting summer classes tomorrow and while I am excited to be almost finished, I will graduate in May 2009, I am not looking forward to spending this summer in classes. It may be caffeine, but my last was at 4:00 P.M. I think it has to do with ADHD. I have allot going on in my life right now. My husband is an active duty Marine Recruiter, I have two very active children, I am trying to finish my degree in Elementary Education, I have a household to keep up, and all the duties of a mom. But, I can't seem to get a handle on all of those things at once. I do good for a while, but then it seems to go spinning out of control and I get behind in one of those areas. Right now that area is my house specifically the clutter. I would love to be organized, I just don't know where to start. In the morning, I will start again, first with the laundry, then the school papers my children bring home, then the little piles of stuff that get left on random flat surfaces throughout the house. I won't beat my self up, that is a regular occurrence. You see, with ADHD comes frustration. I feel like I cannot measure up. Sometimes I feel like a failure. I get so engrossed in one activity, I forget everything around me, including laundry, and I get behind. So this week I will start over again. I will make my lists, try to get back on a schedule, and not beat myself up for being behind because don't most of us moms feel that way anyway?

Tomorrow, well later this morning, I will make some coffee and start my week. I'll be tired, because I have been up all night with my thoughts, but it is a new day and maybe, I can pluck one of those thoughts out and lay it to rest.